Monday 25 June 2012

Disforterror - Impalement and Holocaust Stench EP

01. The Armoured Bestial Black Goat War
02. Bloodshed
03. Infernal Blasphemous Attack From Black Wrath
04. Impalement of Jesus and Their Followers
05. Brutality and Orgy
06. March to the Apocalypse
07. Possessed by Fire





Ok, where to start.  Disforterror is a Brazilian Death Metal act that's currently made up of one dude named Vagner Warrior Impaler, because in Brazil one invented "kvlt" name isn't enough apparently.  They have yet to release a full length album and this is technically an EP, even though it has as many songs as many full length metal releases.

So the first 30 seconds of the album had me going "Fuck Yeah!",

DISCLAIMER:If you're a Disforterror enthusiast or don't like reading long reviews you may want to stop reading now,

My elation fell off faster than a limbless bullrider.  At about 30 seconds in 2 things happen, things get real relentless real fast and the vocals start.  Oh god the vocals, where to begin, imagine the tard-hulk that was in your high school (everyone had one), now imagine getting him hammered, now imagine that his entire vocabulary was comprised of Satanic lingo, now imagine getting him real pissed off and having him start screaming random Satanic words from his vocabulary over and over while sounding hammered and real pissed off...there you go!  Seriously, I haven't heard vocals this bad since...ever!  Not only does he sound like a constipated kid with downs syndrome, but this guy is to metal lyrics what Kurt Cobain was to lyrics if you cut out everything but the parts of songs where he yelled the same words over and over for like a minute.

You honestly hear such gems as:
DISFOR
DISFOR
DISFOR
TERROR
TERROR
TERROR
DISFOR
DISFOR
DISFOR
TERROR
TERROR
TERROR
blahblahGOAT WAR
blahblahGOAT WAR
blahblahGOAT WAR
blahblahGOAT WAR

and such others as:
SATANLORD
SATANLORD
SATANLORD
SATANLORD
SATANLORD

over and fucking over in every goddamn song.  The kicker, the parts that actually had me laughing out loud in my car was when the vocalist started doing little back-and-forths with himself which were obviously edited in.  He'd start in a low voice and be interrupted by himself with a higher voice, which would then be interrupted by his low voice again, over and over, yelling the same words, like:
SATAN
satan
SATAN
satan
SATAN
satan












Seriously, what the actual christfuck?  Ok, I know, they're from Brazil and maybe don't know much english.  SO DON'T USE ENGLISH LYRICS!  Other bands that I love from other countries use their native languages and I still love them, even if I don't understand, like Taake singing in Norwegian and Alcest singing in French or Drudkh in Ukrainian!  Here's the funny part, I've read interviews with Mr. Impaler and he does know quite a bit of English, so there's really no excuse other than retardation for this trainwreck of vocal compositions.

Enough about the vocals, they're not the only offender here (albeit the worst offender).  The guitar is bland, generic, and uninspired.  I've listened to this album no less than 20 times trying to decide how much I hate it and I counted all the "good" riffs I could.  There are 5...FIVE on the WHOLE ALBUM.  The first 30 seconds counts as one, and the others are short and easily missed.  The guitar is at this really irritating pitch too, it stays in the same key and the same range the entire album and plays a total of like 6 different notes, it's like they were playing with a guitar where most of the frets were missing and just decided to wing it.  And the solos (oh yes, there were solos) are so painful, it sounds like Mr. Impaler literally just hit random notes and wanked the whammy-bar as hard as he could through all of the solos on this album hoping it would sound like he knew what he was doing.  Well if that was the plan it fucking failed like Boris Yeltsin's liver.  You can also barely hear the guitar at times thanks to the awful mixing and the overly loud drums and bass.

The drums were decent at best, but so unbelievably monodimensional(like the whole album really).  It literally interchanged between laboured sounding blast-beats(mostly these, more blast-beats than most black metal releases) and double-pedaling with a lot of unnecessary symbol work for the entire album.

"ITS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT, IT'S RAW!" you say.  Ok, I get raw, I love raw, when it's backed up with decent material.  Albums like Darkthrone's Transylvanian Hunger and Immortal's Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism were raw as hell, but were backed up with excellent riffs, vocals, and interesting musical concepts throughout.  Simply being RAW doesn't justify being otherwise shitty as well.  I'll give you a visual comparison:



Both of these are uses of raw fish, certainly raw is not the factor that's driving you to enjoy the one example over the other, it's how it's compiled and presented.  If raw were good enough for fish you'd be getting an unscaled dead fish on your plate at the sushi restaurant and certainly no wasabi and ginger.

To sum it up this album sucks like a thousand-horsepower Hoover™ and will most likely never grace the inside of my stereo or my ears again.  I'll give it 1.5 for having 5 good riffs and being short.

TL;DR - RATING 1.5/6 - FUCKING AWFUL

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